The Butterfly Effect ♥

The sun glowed down on the emerald grass as Chase and Avery walked the smooth, gray path through the park, the faint din of children screaming in joy as they played and the thud of feet against a soccer ball echoing in the background.

Avery had her gaze fixed on her shoes, her mind miles away as she treaded at Chase’s side. His eyes glanced back and forth from in front of them to Avery every now and then, lightly chewing on his bottom lip as he thought of what to say to break the bubble of silence. He had managed to convince Avery to come out on a walk with him as it was such a mild spring day, and he knew, like her mom always chided her, that some sun would do her good. However, ever since he had met up with her, he noticed Avery seemed distant. This wasn’t too uncommon for her as she often was deep in thought, but this time, for reasons Chase couldn’t explain, it felt different.

He reached out and lightly poked her in the side.

“Ave, you okay?”

Avery’s ears slightly perked as his voice brought her back to the present moment. She raised her head and blinked as the sunbeams hit her eyes, illuminating the blue hues embedded in the ocean of green surrounding her irises.

“Y-…Yeah,” she mumbled quietly. “I just have a lot on my mind.”

Chase nodded, taking in her expression of weariness.

“I think that’s quite common for you, right?” he responded tenderly.

Avery turned her eyes back to her shoes.

Chase felt a pang of concern that he had hurt her, and fixed his attention back to the path before them. They were approaching a few trees up ahead and had left the noise of the other park occupants behind. Now, besides their footsteps, there was just the sound of the breeze gently rustling the leaves above them and the occasional song of a bird that fluttered across the clear sky.

Chase began walking towards a broad tree that provided a pool of shade large enough to fit the two of them. He stepped into the dark circle and turned, slowly lowering himself to the ground and settling his back against the base of the tree. Once settled, he looked up to see where Avery was.

She had momentarily paused as Chase deviated from the path and to the tree, uncertain as to where he was going. She had felt a question rising in her throat before she noticed his new destination, and had swallowed it back down. She stood at a distance as she watched Chase take his seat on the earth, and then felt a faint smile creep across her face as he gestured to her to come sit next to him. She padded her way through the soft blades of greenery, pausing once more to survey the dirt beneath her feet.

“Oh, I forgot, you don’t like getting dirty,” Chase piped up.

Avery turned a slight shade of pink. Chase knew nearly everything about her, including her small quirks that included hating when her hands were even slightly sticky, when the tiniest drop of water was on her bathroom mirror, or when her clothes got the smallest stain or a little bit dirty. She began to remove the flannel she had tied around her waist to spread it out on the ground before Chase stopped her and got up, taking off his jacket to lay on the ground for her.

Avery felt herself immediately begin to protest, another jumble of words catching on her tongue. Chase just held up his hand, gently laughing.

“Let me be chivalrous, like in the good old days,” he grinned impishly.

Avery rolled her eyes and lightly shook her head, a laugh barely escaping her lips.

“Alright, fine,” she sighed, “Are you sure? I don’t want to ruin your jacket.”

“I highly doubt that you sitting on it for a little while will ruin it, and it’s not even one of my good jackets,” he smiled. “And it’s just a little dirt, it will come off. I’d rather you be comfortable than bothered that you might have gotten your flannel stained.”

He knew it was one of her favorites.

Avery sighed once more before obliging Chase and settling down onto his jacket, crossing her legs and staying upright, not leaning back against the tree as Chase was now that he had sat back down.

She went quiet again, taking in the scene before her: the sidewalk they had just left, the trees in the distance, the blue slide of the playground even further away, and the peaks of the slate-gray mountains poking the azure sky.

Chase leaned forward to look at Avery’s face, a worried expression forming on his own. He knew that even though she was outwardly silent, her mind was screaming a thousand different things.

“Ave. Hey, can you look at me?”

Avery tensed at his question, nervously turning towards him. Chase was surprised at how jumpy she was. He set his right hand on her left knee, softly squeezing it.

“Are you disassociating?” he asked gently. “Can you feel that?”

Avery smiled, for real this time.

“I’m okay, I just…I wanted to talk to you about something, but I can’t seem to figure out what to say.”

Chase released a breath of relief before smiling back at her, his hand sliding off her knee.

“Maybe I can help. What’s the topic for today?” He crossed his fingers and put his knuckles beneath his chin, studying her face with a quizzical look.

Avery giggled and relaxed her shoulders, beginning to fiddle with the opal ring on her right ring finger. She always did this when she felt nervous or was trying to formulate her thoughts. She retreated back into her mind for a moment before sighing and dropping her hands into her lap.

“Change.”

“Change?”

“Yeah. Change. More specifically, me changing,” Avery said softly.

Chase waited for her to continue.

The breeze came to a halt.

Avery shifted.

“It’s just…I’m scared about it,” she murmured. “Remember the day I texted you about how I sometimes feel like I’m facing this huge galaxy with billions of stars and I’m trying to pinpoint the one that I feel I need to focus on in order to figure out what I’m feeling and how I feel like my mind is too full? And then I ended up being able to bring myself back to reality and peace on my own?”

“Yes, I remember. And I was so incredibly proud of you for being able to take care of yourself and sort out your thoughts without my help,” Chase replied.

Avery lightly blushed before continuing.

“Well, I’ve just been thinking and reflecting, and I realized…I’m doing that more and more. For the past few weeks, I’ve been able to sort through my anxiety and disassociating and depression on my own. I’ve been journaling again, I’ve been praying again, and I….I’ve actually been feeling…happy again.” Avery’s voice caught, tears beginning to pool in her eyes.

“Ave, that’s fantastic,” Chase smiled gently, taking her hand to comfort her.

Avery squeezed his hand, the tears now gently gliding down her cheeks as she swallowed a sob and kept speaking.

“But I don’t know why I feel scared,” she hiccupped. “I feel like I should be proud of my progress, but I feel scared. All I’ve ever known is being sick and unstable, and I’m scared that if I change and get better, I won’t need you as much anymore and…”

Avery broke down crying.

Chase immediately scooted closer, wrapping her in a hug and pulling her towards his chest as she cried harder.

“And what?” he asked, hugging her tight.

Avery tried to calm her sobs and manage to choke out a response.

“And I’m scared you’ll leave me.”

Chase took Avery’s shoulders and pushed her away from himself, his blue-gray eyes locking onto her tear-filled ones.

“Avery. Never. Never in a million years would I leave you, at least not by my own choice,” he said firmly. “Just because you are getting better doesn’t mean you won’t need me anymore, and it doesn’t mean I’ll stop helping you, either. And, you help me, too, Avery. I’m your best friend, and I won’t stop being that for you, even if you are growing stronger on your own and might not need to ask for help as often. And besides me helping you, we do so much more together. We talk about anything and everything, we joke, we laugh, we cry, we’re basically family. We need each other beyond just giving advice and me being there for you when you are scared. I know you believe that you don’t help me as much as I help you and that you think you’re a burden to me for that, but Avery, you have helped me in a million ways. You have pulled me through my darkest times, too. You have brought me joy when I was sad, you have given me encouragement to get through rough days, you have made me laugh when I needed it the most. You’re a gift, Avery Joy, and I wouldn’t ever discard you. And, on top of all that, you are just now breaking out into a new phase. Don’t you think you might still need me?”

Avery’s crying had slowed as she soaked in Chase’s words, her eyes wide at the outpouring of his feelings.

“I…I think I will always need you, and that scares me, too,” she whispered. “I don’t want you to feel chained to me, and I know I will need your help again right now as I’m finding my way,” she finished softly.

Chase smiled, still holding her shoulders.

“So, I won’t leave. And like I said, you and I are family, and family needs each other. We might drift apart in different times of life, but that doesn’t mean our bond lessens. If anything, change strengthens relationships, Ave. It brings people closer together when they experience growth throughout the good, bad, and the ugly. Of course in the bad and ugly, you may need my help. But in the good, even though you don’t need help, there is a celebration to be had, which means I’ll need to be there to celebrate with you.”

Chase wiped away a stray tear on her face and continued.

“Ave, I’ve known you since we were kids, and only recently have I started to see you flourish and glow. You aren’t small and timid. You’re not stuck in my shadow. Since we were little, you’ve always followed in my footsteps, copying me and trying to be just like me, when you’ve always been amazing as you are. You are bright, bold, and brave, and I couldn’t be prouder of you.”

A small flutter of movement behind Avery caught Chase’s eye and he leaned slightly to see what it was. A little array of orange and black had settled on a flower in a nearby patch. It was a monarch butterfly, the white dots stark against the inky darkness on the tips of its wings.

“Avery, look,” Chase said excitedly, pointing at the delicate creature.

Avery turned and noticed the butterfly, it now slowly moving its wings as it rested on the yellow bloom that swayed in the grass. 

“It’s beautiful,” she said, leaning closer to look at it. She had always loved butterflies, especially since releasing them at both of the funerals of her grandparents. She examined its wings, amazed by the vibrant colors. 

“And to think that it was once a lowly little larva,” Chase said.

Avery turned back to look at Chase, his eyes fixed on the butterfly.

“And that’s how you have felt, right?” he asked, his eyes back on hers.

“Are you calling me a bug?” Avery joked through her tears with a watery smile.

“Sure,” Chase countered, “A little slimy larva who ate her way into a plump caterpillar before creating her own little chrysalis to rest in,” he waggled his eyebrows as Avery’s eyes widened.

“You’re so mean to me,” she said breathlessly, her tone a mix of amusement and light injure.

“Your bed all those sleepless nights where you wondered if your life would ever get better was your little cocoon,” Chase continued. “And look at you now. You’re growing your own wings, and they’re beautiful, just like that butterfly’s wings.”

Avery now was silent, her eyes glimmering with fresh tears at Chase’s words.

Chase leaned in towards her, his eyes growing serious.

“Ave, don’t you feel different? Don’t you feel like it’s time to change? That it’s time to try out those wings of yours?”

Avery remained quiet, the new tears dancing down her face as her eyes sparkled.

Chase took her hand once more.

“I know how scared of change you used to be. But look at you now: you’re happy. You’re finding actual peace despite the disarray in your brain. You are getting out of bed each day, you are coping, and you’re not just surviving anymore. I remember you used to tell me that every day you felt like you had to claw your way through, just hoping that time would pass quickly so you could go back to bed, back to your cocoon where you barely felt safe from all of the pain and fear of the unknown. But listen to me. Everyone and everything changes, Ave. Even me,” Chase said softly. “Every day we wake up a little different, a little more experienced. It’s up to us if we fight it or embrace it. The fact that you are now loving to reflect and learn about yourself and your world shows how strong you have become and how much you are willing to grow. And that’s bravery, Avery.”

Avery let out a laugh at Chase’s rhyme, but Chase remained serious, despite the smile on his face, happy he had made her laugh with his little quip.

“Every time you get down on yourself and feel fear creeping back in, remember that you have bravery – you are Bravery Avery. You’re going through your own metamorphosis; you’re becoming a butterfly. And you’re going to fly high, and others are going to see your ascent and journey and be amazed at your beauty.”

Chase turned his gaze back to the butterfly, and Avery followed suit.

The butterfly, having rested long enough, pumped its wings and left its perch on the flower, fluttering upon the breeze and away into the sky. Avery watched its departure as it became smaller and smaller before disappearing from her sight entirely. The flower stood empty.

She turned to Chase, the tears now dried and a confident smile on her face.

“Thank you,” she whispered, wiping away any remains of the tearstains. “You always know what to say.”

“Oh, trust me, not always. I try my best, though. You ready?” Chase smiled, climbing to his feet and offering her his hand.

She took it and he pulled her up, picking his jacket up and shaking it out once she was on her feet.

“See?” he said, showing her the back of his jacket. “No dirt!” he grinned slyly.

Avery laughed and gently pushed him.

“Stop teasing me, you know how I am,” she whined, tightening her flannel around her waist.

“Isn’t that what I’m here for?” he shot back. “You need all of me: my advice, my humor, and my teasing, right?”

Avery did her signature eye roll before laughing again and skipping back to the sidewalk, settling her feet onto the path once more.

“You better catch up!” she crowed, playfully jogging away.

“Hey, get back here!” Chase called, quickly slipping his jacket back on and jogging after her, a giant grin on his face.

The sun glowed warmly down on them as they laughed and raced one another down the path, back towards Avery’s house. They left behind their small patch of shade, the tears Avery had cried, and the small yellow flower where the monarch had once rested.

The butterfly effect continued its course as they moved on, a fresh bloom opening its petals in Avery’s heart, taking in the hope and healing that Chase had shone on her.

And she would continue to grow.

♥

Image sources:

https://weheartit.com/entry/284777868

https://miss-annabel.tumblr.com/post/135034265668/quick-sketch (Art by https://www.deviantart.com/annabel-m)