A Reason to Stay ♥ (Final Part to All My Heart)

The sun was growing dimmer as I pulled onto my street, Chase not too far behind me. We both parked in front of my house, me in my driveway, and Chase at the sidewalk. I left my car and joined him in his Jeep, swinging up into the passenger seat.

“Okay, now can I know what’s going on?” I said pleadingly. I sounded annoying and whiny, but I was impatient. 

“Hold your horses a bit longer,” Chase replied, gently patting my hand. “I’ll tell you super soon.”

He pulled off and drove off towards the park by my house. 

I was practically vibrating in my seat, and he laughed out loud and reached over, patting my hand once more as he pulled into a parking space.

“Avery, relax,” he said gently, putting his Jeep in park and then sliding out with ease. He ambled to my side and opened my door, helping me down to the ground. Then he went to his trunk and pulled out a basket and blanket, which he threw over his shoulder before closing the trunk. He held the basket in one hand and my hand in the other, and we made our way off into the park. It was peaceful with the sun glowing steadily over the world, the only sounds being the birds chirping, a few kids’ shrieks of glee from the distant playground, and my and Chase’s footfalls. 

I finally felt a bit at ease, releasing some of the tension that had built up in my shoulders. I don’t know why I was so nervous. I hated surprises and didn’t like when I knew secrets were being kept from me, but that didn’t usually result in me having such tightly wound nerves. I think it was because this time, it was Chase was keeping something a secret and it had to do with me. He had told me he had something to ask me, and my mind had flown off into the deep-end of horrific conclusions even though he had assured me that what he wanted to ask wasn’t bad. Still, my brain mass-produced a hundred thousand different questions of what he wanted to ask: Do you really think you and I will work out? How can we be in love with all that’s going on with you? If we stayed together, will things end up like your mom and dad because you’re sick?

My mind spun around these barbed questions as we walked, and then I felt Chase squeeze my hand. He had stopped walking. I snapped out of the chaotic mess in my mind and back into reality, taking in my surroundings. 

We had walked to the same area where we had seen the monarch butterfly before my birthday. The little yellow flower where the butterfly had resided was still there, now joined by a few surrounding blooms, and there was no one else around. It was quiet. 

Chase set the basket down and released my hand, tugging the blanket off of his shoulder and then shaking it out. He laid it down on the ground, taking care to not cover the flowers, and then gestured at me to sit, a quiet smile on his face.

“You okay?” he asked as I settled down onto the soft blanket, my mind still reeling with static from the anxiety.

“Yeah,” I replied, my voice sounding like it was miles away. 

“Ave, you don’t need to be worried,” he said gently, taking a seat beside me. 

“I know, but I can’t help it sometimes,” I said. I hated how close to tears I was. 

He gently brushed my hair back from my face and kissed my cheek. It was such a sudden and sweet gesture that my brain nearly instantly cleared, the sticky fog of fear disappearing. 

“I won’t keep you waiting much longer,” he grinned, turning his attention to the basket by his side. He opened it and began unpacking its contents: cheese, crackers, small cuts of meat, dark chocolate, and a tall, slim bottle that glinted in the sun. 

“Maybe this is too fancy, but I brought champagne. Or you can have sparkling water,” he laughed, holding up a bottle of peach sparkling water. 

I must have looked dumbstruck at the spread he had just laid out because he laughed again and lightly poked the same cheek he had kissed.

“Ave, you there? Come back to me,” he said as he waved his hand in front of my face.

“What’s with all of this?” I managed to ask, still trying to process everything. 

“Well, I figured it was the start of something new and important between us, so we should celebrate,” Chase said, sounding slightly confused. “Are you unhappy?”

“No, no,” I said quickly, shaking my head. “That’s not it, I just…I didn’t expect this.”

“What did you expect?” he asked gently, putting his hand on my knee. “I told you it wasn’t something bad, Ave.”

“I know…you know how my brain works. I think,” I said quietly. “It always makes things seem scary, even when they’re not. So I expected you to ask me something bad, even though you said it wouldn’t be. I thought maybe you just said that so I wouldn’t back out of talking to you.”

“I wouldn’t do that to you,” he replied, squeezing my leg. “I’m sorry if I worried you. I forget how anxious you can get over things like this. And that’s totally okay, I’m not saying that’s bad. It’s just how you are, and I love you, anxious or not.”

I felt my heart melt a bit in my chest at that, and I scooted closer to him, cuddling into his side. He put his arm around me and pulled me close, resting his cheek on my hair. 

“Are you hungry at all?” he asked, still holding me snug. 

“I mean, you know I’m a sucker for cheese,” I replied with a giggle. 

He laughed and then let me go, and we snacked on the picnic-style charcuterie board, talking back and forth and laughing. We even popped the bottle of champagne and poured a bit into two glasses he had packed, taking sips and enjoying the sweet bubbly goodness. I purposely took it slow - I didn’t need to be loose this time in order to talk to him, and I didn’t want to be tipsy. I wanted to remember every little second of this. 

“So things went well with Jade?” he asked, munching on a cheddar-clad cracker. “I know you already told Christina and me about what you guys talked about, but I just wanted to make sure.” 

“Really well,” I nodded, chewing on a little bit of brie. “Like I said, I really like her. She’s super sweet.”

“That’s good,” he smiled, picking up another cracker and mulling over his cheese choices.

I swallowed the soft white cheese and then hesitantly reached out and laid a hand on his knee. He looked up in surprise.

“So…what did you guys talk about? When you talked to Jade, I mean,” I asked. 

He smiled gently and put his cracker down. 

“Well, I asked to talk to her the day after she had yelled at you. We went out after work and talked on the lawn. She basically apologized for blowing up and explained she has a lot going on at home right now, but she didn’t feel ready to talk about it. She said she had been kind of jealous of you, and that she admired me. She basically said she liked me without saying it, but we all already knew that,” he laughed. “I told her that you didn’t hold anything against her and that you weren’t mad. She even asked about you, if you were okay, since you didn’t come in that day because your mom had taken you to the hospital. She said she wants to get better - I think she was feeling really awful because she even cried,” he finished, looking a bit sad. 

“She cried?” I asked, my heart aching for her a little. 

“Yeah, but then she was okay. I asked if I could give her a hug, and she seemed happy and at peace after that,” he smiled. 

“That’s really sweet of you, Chase,” I said, smiling back at him. I felt the familiar pinch of insecurity in my chest when he said he had hugged her, but I pushed back against it. 

“She opened up to you, too?” he asked, tilting his head a bit. It occurred to me that both he and Jade tilted their heads in the same way when they asked questions, like inquisitive birds. It was cute. 

“She did,” I nodded, picking at the grass in front of me. “She told me some things about her past that were really surprising. She didn’t tell me anything about what is going on currently with her, but she mentioned her ex-boyfriend.”

“She has an ex?” he asked, picking his cracker back up and putting a piece of gouda on top of it. 

“Yeah…I’m not sure if it’s my place to share what she said, but she told me her ex looked like you, which is why she had a crush on you,” I said hesitantly. “But I guess her ex was…abusive to her.”

Chase stopped with the cracker halfway to his mouth.

“Seriously?” he asked, sounding horrified, his eyes wide. “That’s awful.”

“It is. I was really shocked when she told me that,” I murmured. “She said she’s okay now, that she got away from him, so I’m happy about that.”

“Well, me too, but I feel weird that I remind her of her ex,” he said, looking uncomfortable.

“But not in the bad ways,” I said quickly. “She said she admires you so much for your kindness and patience.”

“She told me that, too,” he said with a nod, lowering the cracker. “Wow, I feel so bad for her. She’s honestly a great person. Before all of this, I never suspected things weren’t okay for her. She’s always been really quiet and sweet, which is why I was so surprised she blew up at you that day. But she seemed genuinely sorry - she even said she felt so anxious over it that she didn’t sleep the night before I talked to her.”

My heart ached even more. I knew what that was like, to be awake all night tossing with anxiety. 

“I’m truly hoping she and I can become good friends,” I said. “I mean that with all of my heart.” 

“I hope so, too, especially since she wasn’t upset you and I are together,” he said gently. “And on that note…” 

He placed the cracker aside and turned towards me, now facing me. He had a coy smile on his face.  

“Ave, I have a present for you,” he said, reaching behind him. 

I was now on full alert as he pulled a small white box out of his back pocket. 

I felt my heart quicken as he held it in his hands, his face kind and gentle. 

“You’re already proposing?” I teased, my mind in a whirl. 

“Well, I am proposing something,” he said mischievously, lifting the lid of the box so I could see its contents. 

I let out a gasp. 

Inside was a small butterfly necklace, its sterling wings sparkling in the fading sunlight. 

It was absolutely beautiful.

He gently pulled it from the box and held it for me to see, the delicate silver chain dangling from his fingers.

“Do you like it?” he asked gently, his eyes locked onto me. 

“Chase, it’s gorgeous,” I whispered, reaching out and touching the butterfly. It had a few little sparkling gems embedded in its wings, and its details were stunning. By the spots on its wings and overall design, it was obviously meant to be a monarch butterfly. 

“Can I put it on you?” he asked, smiling tenderly at me. 

I nodded and eagerly turned my back to him, reaching back and lifting my hair off of my neck. 

He reached around and gently hung the necklace around my neck, fastening it in the back. The charm rested against my skin, soft and comforting. I lowered my hair and turned back to face him, looking down and admiring his gift. 

“I love it,” I said quietly, looking up to his face. “Thank you, Chase, it’s amazing. What made you get me a gift? My birthday already passed.” 

“Because I’m proposing that we make this official,” Chase said softly. “And I wanted you to have something to remember this by.” 

“Make what official?” I asked, even though I knew where this was going. 

He smiled at me, leaning in close and looking into my eyes. 

“Avery, will you be my girlfriend?” Chase murmured, his silver-blue eyes glimmering with love. 

I went to say yes, but my fears beat the word off of my tongue, replacing it with a doubtful response. 

“Are you willing to be my boyfriend?” I replied, feeling a soft sadness pillowing my heart. Of course I had to question him. I wasn’t allowed to be happy. 

“Of course I am,” he answered, tucking a stray strand of my hair behind my right ear. “No matter what, Ave, I love you. I’ve seen you at your best, at your worst, and even in between. Even when you yelled at me that day, I wasn’t mad at you. I knew it was because you were hurting, and you didn’t mean to. I know that no matter where you go in your head, you always find the way back. You’re beyond strong, and I’ve been so blessed to have the privilege to watch you grow and become braver, happier, and more in love with life. I know this is just the beginning, and I can’t wait to watch you spread your wings and fly even higher,” he said, putting his hand beneath my chin and looking into my eyes. “I want to be by your side and help you as best as I can. I’m not perfect, and I will make mistakes, but I want to try because I love you, Avery.”

I let out a sharp breath and felt tears prick my eyes. 

“So, will you be my girlfriend, Ave?” he asked once more, still holding me steady, patient as ever.

“Yes,” I managed to whisper before breaking into a sob and falling into him, hugging him as tightly as I could. 

He squeezed me tightly and held me close for a little bit. Suddenly, he buried his nose into my neck and then blew a raspberry on it. I shrieked and pulled back, laughing because it tickled and because I loved when he was playful. 

He smiled big and then leaned in. He kissed my forehead softly, and I about melted on the spot. 

“I love you, Chase,” I said, kissing the tip of his nose. “You’re the best.”

“I’d have to say that you’re the best,” he replied, a hint of further teasing in his voice.

“No, you are.”

“No, you.”

“No, you!” I exclaimed, breaking into a fit of giggles. “Oh gross, we’re already doing cringy couple things. No, you hang up!” I said in a sickly, singsong voice. 

He burst out laughing and doubled over, holding his stomach. 

“We are,” he managed to say through his laughter, sitting back up and wiping away some tears. “That’s too good.” 

“We’ll have to try to create some new cliches,” I said, giggling and taking his hand. “So we can at least try to break the stereotypes.”

“But cheesy couple cuteness isn’t always bad,” he said, raising his eyebrows.

“It’s too much,” I groaned, shaking my head. “Especially if others see or hear.”

“But I thought you said you’re a sucker for cheese,” he said, a deadpan expression on his face.

I stared at him for a good few seconds before smacking him on the shoulder. He broke out into another fit of laughter, this time falling backward onto the blanket and practically guffawing. 

“Are you seriously already harassing me?” I asked, jumping onto his stomach and sitting on it. “What did I ever do to deserve this?” I whined, playfully punching him in the chest. 

“Hey, like I said on your birthday, you signed up for me to give you the most choice teasing and jokes when we became best friends,” he grinned, pretending my punches were actually knocking him around. “And now you’ve upgraded to the boyfriend tier of pestering, so you are very welcome.” 

“Chase James, you leave me be!” I said in protest, giggling hard.

He sat up easily, despite me sitting on him, and pulled me into a hug. 

“Never,” he whispered in my ear before tickling my sides. 

I squealed and managed to squirm out of his arms and took off running. He scrambled to his feet and pursued me, pretending he was yelling into a walkie-talkie. 

“I’m in pursuit of the robbery suspect! Medium height, red hair, stunning eyes, killer smile! I believe she has my heart in her possession still! Stop, thief!” he commanded as he caught up to me and swept me up into his arms. 

I laughed out loud to the sky as he swung me around a bit before lowering me to the grass and hugging me tight once more. We both were panting and giggling, and my cheek was pressed to his chest. I felt and heard his heartbeat. It was a magical sound. 

We made our way back to the blanket and packed all of the goodies back into the basket, along with the drinks and glasses. He folded the blanket, draped it back over his shoulder, and we walked back to his Jeep, holding hands the whole way back. 

A short drive later, we were back at my house and ascending the stairs to my room, where we talked, laughed, and kissed for a couple more hours. Soon, I felt sleepy, and he waited in my room as I showered off and got into my soft pajamas. I had hung the butterfly necklace on a hook by my mirror, and I admired it as I brushed my teeth. It even sparkled under the bathroom light. I exited back into my bedroom and found Chase sitting on my bed, his back and head against the wall and his eyes closed. He looked peaceful. I crawled onto my bed and he opened his eyes, smiling at me gently. 

“Welcome back,” he said as I laid my head in his lap. 

He stroked my hair softly and we continued to talk. My voice drifted off as I succumbed to the soothing sensation of his touch. I felt him gently slip himself out from under my head and get off of my bed. I was then lifted into the air and placed back on the bed, and I felt my blankets settle over me. 

“Love you forever and a day, Ave,” I heard him murmur before he kissed my forehead. “I adore you.”

“I love you, too,” I heard myself say, feeling him continue to brush his fingers through my hair.

I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face, Chase’s kiss on my skin, and the butterfly necklace hanging on its hook, reminding me of his words and love when I would awake the next day, now able to call myself Chase’s girlfriend. 

It was a new title I could place on my heart and work through my mind. 

A new role in this life. 

A new chance and a new start, a fresh little bloom of healing. 

A reason to stay.  

To keep my heart beating. 

♥

Image source: Hibi Chōchō by Suu Morishita