Punk Rock Fairy ♥

I opened my eyes, feeling a sense of calm and peace wash over my heart, cradling it gently in my chest. I blinked, assessing my body, my mind, and the tranquility I felt. It was odd, especially considering what I was going to do that day. I sat up, rubbing at my eyes and yawning, though I did feel well-rested. I didn’t toss and turn all night like I normally did, and I had also had pleasant dreams for once. No Derek, no fights with my dad, no creeping monsters telling me I was worthless. Just an easy glide from falling asleep through to the morning. 

I checked my phone, making sure I had gotten my shift at Rejavanate covered. I knew I had, but I was always a bit paranoid when it came to these types of things. Sure enough, there was a text conversation between myself and Grayson Giles, agreeing to take on my shift for that day, and telling me that he hoped I had a good day off. He didn’t pry or ask questions: he just said yes and sent a bunch of smiley face emojis and exclamation points. I smiled, feeling reassured that I was good to go. 

I was sad because I had wanted to see Avery at work and talk to her more, but today held a rare opportunity: Jasper and I could go visit our mom. Her latest evaluation hadn’t been great, but they were letting us see her, and it was a chance I didn’t want to pass up. 

As I got out of bed and began moving through my morning routine, I couldn’t help but smile again, an action that had been so foreign to me for the past few years, but was slowly becoming something I treasured. 

I had smiled when Chase had talked to me, when Avery and I had reconciled, when I was alone, thinking about how I felt little bits of joy pop up in my heart because I didn’t feel so lonely anymore. 

It honestly had been amazing how quickly my prayer for friends had been answered since moving to Ridge Rock, the sleepy little mountain town in northern California where I had found a safe haven from my past. Living here offered a slower pace of life, with fresher air, actual seasons, and no southern California drama. 

Thankfully, Ridge Rock wasn’t too much of a tourist trap: visitors would normally stay in the bordering towns and then trickle into the town to visit the tiny village to shop and relax or to drive through Ridge Rock to the mountains to go mountain climbing, hiking, skiing, or other such outdoor activities. Places like Rejavanate, Udder Bliss, and the pizza shop King's Peak were some of the best-kept secrets, as well as the small college, Cragright, where I was attending. I was a junior now. 

Since we had moved here from North Carolina a little over a year ago, I had quickly adapted to my new surroundings, as I typically did. Jasper was finishing his senior year at Grandview High, the tiny high school on the border of Ridge Rock, and my dad was working at the nearby military base. I say nearby, and that’s about two hours away. It provided me time to work on trying to feel more peace towards him in the spaces when he was gone. 

And now, today, Jasper and I were going to visit mom again in her care facility, over an hour outside of Ridge Rock, and Grayson was taking over my shift, which he had eagerly accepted when I had texted him the day prior. 

.....

I had met Grayson my first day at Cragright in an upper-division English course. We both were sitting next to each other in the second row, a few chairs apart. Professor Barnes was droning on about the syllabus and her expectations for the course when suddenly, she shifted into asking us to turn to the person next to us and introduce ourselves. 

I swallowed, and nervously glanced over at Grayson, who was already beaming at me. He stood and scooted post the few seats between us and sat in the one next to me, extending his hand. 

“Hiya! I’m Grayson,” he said cheerily, shaking my hand once I had taken his.

“I’m Jade,” I said, smiling shyly. 

He cocked his head slightly, and looked apologetic.

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” he asked, turning his head so he was facing away from me. 

I stared, feeling a bit startled. 

“Um, my name is Jade,” I repeated, a little louder. 

He turned back to look at me, his baby-blue eyes glittering.

“Ah, Jade! It’s so nice to meet you,” he said, nodding. “I’m sorry, I have a bit of a hearing problem,” he explained, pointing to his right ear, still looking apologetic. 

“Oh, I’m sorry!” I blurted, internally kicking myself. I felt a hot blush rise to my cheeks, and my left hand immediately flew to my hair as I glanced down. I began twirling a lock around my fingers - my nervous tic. 

“No, no, it’s okay! You wouldn’t have known that, it’s not your fault,” he smiled. 

I looked back up into his face, and immediately felt soothed by his smile. I liked how it reached his eyes. I felt comforted and my hand fell back to my lap, and I relaxed my shoulders.

“I don’t have a hearing aid quite yet, so it’s not so obvious to people,” Grayson continued, shrugging his shoulders slightly. “I try not to make it too obvious, and I don’t want people to find me rude if I keep my left side turned toward them while we have a conversation. It didn’t use to be so bad, but it’s gotten a bit worse. Eye contact and lip-reading help me through, so of course, I need to look at people, but I do keep my left side tilted towards them still. Thankfully it’s only my right ear that is mostly affected,” he laughed a bit. It was light and bubbly. “Anyway, enough about me. Are you new to Cragright? I haven’t seen you before, and I definitely would have remembered if I had.”

I smiled, uncertain what he meant by that remark. 

“I’m new here. I moved from North Carolina only a few months ago. My dad’s a military police officer, so we bounce around from time to time, and now we’re here.”

“That’s super cool! I’m from Oregon,” Grayson beamed. “My parents and little brother are still there, but I really loved Cragright when I visited to check it out and I wanted to try leaving the nest. I’m actually going to study abroad next year.”

“Oh, so you’re a sophomore then?” I asked, looking him up and down. It then occurred to me that he looked super young to be in college. Maybe he was just baby-faced. 

“I’m a freshman, actually. I’m 17,” Grayson said, with a half-smile. 

“Seriously?” I asked, feeling my eyebrows rise. “You seem so much older! Really mature.”

Nice one, Jade, I thought to myself. 

Grayson didn’t seem to take offense at my comment though, laughing lightly. 

“I get that a lot,” he grinned. “Not only did I start school a little earlier than normal, but I did a ton of AP courses in high school and did good on the tests, so I earned credits towards the lower Gen Ed courses,” he said, not a drop of pride or boasting in his voice. “So, I kind of fast-tracked my way through high school and into the upper-division college courses. I really love history, especially when it comes to World War II, so I’m gonna go to Europe. I’m stationing at Oxford and then I hope to travel around while I’m there.” 

“That’s really cool,” I replied, meaning it. I realized how at ease I felt talking to him. He was very cute, like in the little-brother sort of way. Inviting, gentle, and sweet. “So, um, what did you mean you would have remembered if you had seen me before?” I asked, tilting my head.

“I like people-watching,” Grayson replied, smiling. “Peoples’ features and styles stick out to me. I kind of create nicknames and made-up stories for people when I’m bored. So for you, you look like a punk rock fairy, and that’s definitely memorable,” he said, gesturing to me. “Though, not like, super punk rock. Maybe more grunge. Sassy for sure, though,” he laughed. 

I couldn’t help but giggle at that, feeling a warm feeling of surprise wash over me.

“A punk rock fairy?” I asked, smiling at him. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you’re short, no offense,” he started, giggling himself. “So you’re small like a fairy, and your clothes,” he continued, pointing to my black boots, black knee-high socks, black skater skirt, and black top, “are all very punk-rock-esque. Not exactly emo, and also not too extreme to be a total black-eyeliner, scary-looking rocker.” 

I laughed again, totally enjoying his description. 

“And then you’ve got your black hair and piercings and face. It just completes it all.”

“What about my face?” I smiled.

“Super delicate features, soft eyes, gentle smile, great skin!” Grayson beamed. 

“That’s the Asian in me for sure,” I giggled, lightly touching my cheek. I felt a little embarrassed at the compliments, but also good. 

“Japanese?” Grayson asked, cocking his head. 

“No, I’m half-Chinese,” I explained. “But everyone guesses Japanese! My mom is full Chinese, and my dad is white. Irish, to be more exact.” 

“Oh, cool! I’m Irish, too, and a little bit German. I super want to go to Ireland when I go study abroad,” Grayson grinned. 

“Okay, people, eyes back up here!” Professor Barnes suddenly said, clapping her hands. 

“Aw, darn,” Grayson mumbled, glancing over at our teacher. He looked back at me, smiling. “Well, it was great talking to you,” he grinned, extending his hand. “I feel like we’re gonna be good friends!”

Friends. 

I suddenly felt a pinprick of tears, but I quickly pushed them down. 

I returned his smile and shook his hand once again, which I noted was incredibly soft.

“It was lovely talking to you, too,” I said, returning his smile. “Thanks for the sweet compliments! Made me feel really nice.”

“Aww, you’re welcome!” Grayson replied, getting up to return to his seat, his dimples popping as he smiled down at me. 

I felt my tongue run ahead of my mind as he started to move back to his seat. 

“Hey, do you…do you maybe want to sit next to me?” I asked, feeling shy again. 

Grayson looked back at me, appearing a little surprised. Then he grinned, quickly went over and grabbed his books and backpack, and returned to sit next to me. 

Class continued, and anytime Grayson looked slightly lost, I tapped his arm and showed him my notes. He would shoot me a grateful smile and quickly copy my notes, keeping his left ear towards Professor Barnes. He was really studious and quick, and his handwriting was to die for: straight, neat, and even pretty. I was very thankful for his presence - it made me feel calm and welcome. 

When class ended, we gathered our things and chatted a bit more as we made our way down the steps in the middle of the room and to the door as one of our classmates passed us on his way out of the classroom.

“Hey, Grayson! You working at Rejavanate today?” he asked with a grin, lightly knocking Grayson on the shoulder.  

“Yeah, around noon! I’m done with classes for the day at 11,” Grayson replied with a smile.

“Awesome, see you then!” the guy answered, nodding at us both with a smile before ambling out the door with his other friends. 

“Rejavanate?” I asked curiously, looking up at Grayson. 

“Yeah, it’s the college coffee shop! You haven’t heard about it? It’s pretty popular,” Grayson answered, explaining as we walked down the hall. “It was started by my friend Chase - he’s the main manager there. He’s a junior right now. He basically heard that there was a high demand from the students for another study space, preferably one with caffeine, so he got a petition going as well as fundraising, and long story short, we got the funds and the college’s approval, and now we’ve got our own coffee shop! It’s pretty freaking cool,” he said, still grinning. “Do you like coffee?”

“Honestly, I do!” I replied, noticing we were coming up to the staircase I needed to ascend to get to my next class. “I used to go to Starbucks to study all of the time when I was doing my community college courses.”

“Are you looking for a job?” he asked curiously, slowing down as we stopped near the base of the stairs. 

“Um…I wasn’t necessarily looking for one, but having one would be really nice,” I replied. 

His blue eyes lit up, and he practically bounced on his heels. 

“You should come work there! We have a couple spots open since some of our staff graduated and moved back home. Everyone there is super nice, and it’s a chill job - not stressful at all! What do you think?” he asked, his eyes once again glimmering.

I paused, thinking it over a bit. I wanted to say yes, especially since I didn’t want to disappoint Grayson, but I also wasn’t sure. I considered myself a pretty introverted and quiet person, and I didn’t know if I was well-suited to work in a coffee shop, especially one at my school. I wasn’t sure if I could be friendly or outgoing enough to be liked and accepted. Grayson must have noticed my inward struggle, because he smiled and gently patted my shoulder. 

“Hey, you don’t gotta give me an answer right now,” Grayson said breezily, giving me a thumbs-up. “Tell you what, take some time to think about it, and then if you’re interested, come by today! When’s your last class?”

“Same as you, I’m done around 11,” I smiled. “I prefer getting all of my classes over with in the morning.”

“Sameeee here,” Grayson said, nodding affirmatively. “Well, cool! Rejavanate is further south on campus, at the base of that massive lawn, kind of behind the school. You know where that is?”

“I do!” I answered, smiling. “I’ll come by for sure.”

“Sweet! See you later, Jade,” Grayson smiled, bowing slightly and then breezing off down the hall to his next class. 

I watched him walk away, his sandy-blonde hair bouncing with his step as other students greeted him and he waved and laughed back. He seemed popular - I’m guessing he was well-known because he worked at Rejavanate. Maybe that could be the same for me, well-known, with people who cared for me. 

As I turned and walked up the stairs, I felt a small blossom of courage in my heart.

I would do it.

I would go work at Rejavanate. 

Following my class, I bounded down the stairs and out to the back of the main building. I immediately spotted a smaller building at the base of the lawn, just as Grayson described. It was quaint, with glass entry doors lined with thick black trim. The building itself was red-and-brown brick, which gave it both an old-schoolhouse look as well as that mountain-charm feel. It was both modern and old-fashioned in appearance. I loved it.

As I made my way down the lawn to the shop doors, I felt that small flower of bravery only stretch up further, and I felt a bounce in my own step. 

I paused at the doors, took a deep breath, and pulled the left door open. I stepped inside, and was greeted by the scent of fresh coffee mottled with pastry sugar, the sound of typing and quiet chatter from the students gathered around the shop, and Grayson’s voice as he chatted with the student currently placing their order at the register. I noticed him glance over at me and then fully grin and wave when he recognized me. I smiled and waved back before looking around the shop more. The large windows let in the dayglow, illuminating the shop and making it feel both alive and cozy, and the back wall next to the small hallway that I assumed led to the bathrooms and back entryway for employees was painted all black with a large logo of a coffee bean with wings on it. Rise & Rejavanate was painted below it in an upward curve, and a small lightning bolt was emblazoned just below the tagline. It was a really cool logo. I noted how the wings looked almost like a phoenix’s, which I assumed tied in with the ‘rise’ part of the motto. Overall, it was aesthetically pleasing and original, and I really loved the overall feel of the shop.

I snapped to and realized the customer who had been chatting with Grayson at the register was now seated with his friends at a table, and Grayson was smiling at me from behind the register. I approached him, waving once more as I did.

“Hey, you came!!” he said excitedly, beaming. It’s like his whole face was shining with joy, and I immediately grinned back. 

“I did, I wanted to check the place out,” I replied, smiling and looking around once more. 

“And? What do you think?” Grayson asked eagerly, leaning slightly forward, tilting his left ear toward me.

I faced him squarely and spoke clearly so he could hear.

“I want to work here. I really love it,” I smiled.

He straightened back up and did a little jig in place, grinning even bigger. 

“Awesome! Let me go get Chase, he’s the dude you’re gonna wanna talk to,” he said, quickly turning and darting through the double doors and out of sight. 

I stood and waited for only an instant, and then the blonde boy reemerged, followed by a tall, lean, and gorgeous guy. I felt nearly all of my breath get sucked out of my lungs. He looked like Derek, but kinder, with lighter eyes and a sweeter demeanor. He had beautiful silver-blue eyes, like the sky frosted with sterling clouds. His long-ish, dark hair was wavy, cascading down around his ears and forehead gracefully. He had a charming smile on his face, and was wearing a leather-like apron over a red flannel shirt. He looked like some sort of elven prince mixed with a slimmer version of a lumberjack. He was almost too good to be true.

“Hi! Jade, right?” he spoke, smiling down at me. He was taller than Grayson, maybe about six feet exactly. His voice was low and peaceful, and it made my heart do a backflip. “I’m Chase, it’s nice to meet you!” 

“Yeah, hi,” I answered, my tongue feeling tied. “I’m Jade!”

He just said your name, idiot, I thought to myself, trying hard to keep my hands from touching my hair.  

“Pretty name,” Chase replied, breezing over my nerves. He looked over at Grayson. “So, you think she’d be a good fit?” he asked, still maintaining his placid smile. 

“Oh, heck yeah!” Grayson chirped, grinning up at Chase. “She’ll be our own little fairy, bringing some magic to this place! I know she’ll be popular with the regulars, I just feel it. She’s super nice, and I like her style. I’m sure she’ll fit right in,” he said, smiling at me, dimples on display.

Chase regarded me again, chuckling at Grayson’s enthusiasm. 

“Well, Jade, whatcha think? I’ll tell you a bit about the job and routine, and we can see what your schedule looks like!”

I still felt dumbstruck, but I managed to shake myself out of my entranced state and smile back at Chase.

“I’d really love that, yes please,” I answered earnestly. 

“Awesome! Come on back, then!” Chase exclaimed, gesturing towards the hallway by the logo wall. “Head through that door on the right and I’ll meet you in the back.”

So, I did. 

Chase showed me around the shop, explained the routines of opening, mid-day, and closing, showed me how to steam milk, pull espresso shots, and pour latte art, how to work the register, and other tasks. I was a bit wrapped up in being so close to him, feeling a crush start to solidify, but I paid close attention to his explanations and directions, and found that it was all straightforward and simple. I even successfully made myself a mocha, which he let me drink for free. 

That’s how I came to work at Rejavanate. Soon after my start, I would meet Christina, the spit-fire 25-year-old who was an alumna of Cragright who had worked at Rejavanate since before she graduated. She immediately gave me a massive no-nonsense vibe. She was short, but still taller than me, with a solid build despite being petite. She looked like she could cuddle a baby softer than anyone while also decking a full-grown man. I liked her, but she also scared the hell out of me. 

And in time, I would become a popular barista among the student population. I was always greeted, well-liked, and supported. I loved my job - it provided me with solace, a place to call home. It was amazing. 

And then, not long after I started, I met Avery, the slim, average-height girl with reddish-brown hair and a soft dusting of freckles on her face.

She was beautiful. What’s worse is that she didn’t know she was lucky enough to be naturally beautiful, easily liked, and really cute. The staff loved her, the other students never sat in her designated corner below the logo on the black wall, and she always seemed to have it easy. On top of all of that, she was incredibly close with Chase.

Too close.

I learned that she and Chase were best friends, having grown up together in Rock Ridge, and were practically inseparable. It made me feel sick with envy. I began to feel a bit of hatred towards her, and I let it get under my skin. I had never really had any hard and fast friends all of my life, especially since my dad’s job bounced me and my family around so much. I also can’t say I’m typically jealous of pretty girls, but with Avery, my jealousy was motivated due to my crush on Chase.

Getting into my relationship with Derek had been due to a mixture of desperation, loneliness, and wanting to feel like I belonged and was loved. However, that sense of belonging became one of possession: I belonged to Derek like an object, not as a girlfriend. It turned ugly fast, but I stayed. I guess I had Stockholm's syndrome, though I was also held captive by my fear of being alone. 

So, when I met Chase, I again selfishly let that fear take ahold of me and color my view of anyone who seemed close to him, mainly Avery. I let my insecurity turn to anger and envy, and I became the possessive one. 

However, that all changed.

I lost my temper and blew up at her, only resulting in the familiar crushing fear of being hated and abandoned to come sweeping back into my heart. I was so certain Chase would be disgusted by me, that he would fire me for hurting his best friend. I was scared that Christina would drop-kick me the next time she saw me. I regretted my actions and felt depressed and anxious for days. 

I was so angry with myself for lashing out at her. 

But now, as of today, all I can say is that I am so glad that I did. 

She and I had become close because of that.

I had another friend, and they gave me a feeling of strength, of wanting to carry on. 

And with all that was going on, I needed all of the strength I could get. 

I finished getting dressed, tied my hair up into a bun, and grabbed my car keys and wallet. I couldn’t bring a bag into the care facility.

I squared my shoulders, took a deep breath, and left my bedroom, closing the door behind me and heading to check and see if Jasper was ready. 

It was time to go see mom. 

(To be continued...)

♥

Image source: Umibe no Onnanoko by Inio Asano