At Home ♥ (Part 3 to For Dear Life)

A few hours had passed since I had first settled down into my corner, trying to feel and appear tucked away. I guess it was technically Avery’s corner, but for now, it was all mine. 

As I worked on the math problems before me, I couldn’t help but feel curious about Jade’s friends and the college scene, but I also wanted to only see from the outside and remain a bystander. I didn’t care too much to interact with them, though I was sure I wouldn’t be able to fully avoid that. It had been steadily busy since Christina had unlocked the doors and the shop had opened. Streams of students had poured in and either took up places in the shop or had left with their coffee and pastries in hand. The couches were completely taken up, and most of the bar seats and tables were now occupied by books, bags, laptops, and students of all kinds. I hadn’t been able to fully keep my eyes on my work as I looked about and watched the little ecosystem of Rejavanate in full swing. So far no one had approached or bothered me, so I was happy. I think my headphones helped. 

I turned my attention to the counter. Jade was currently helping a petite black girl at the register while Christina was standing behind the espresso machine, the only indication that she was there being the steam from the milk billowing up. She was short too, so I couldn’t fully see her except the top of her head. 

I wish I always looked like that: hidden away from view, yet people knew I was there. It seemed like it would make existence more tolerable since invisibility wasn’t yet a possibility. Maybe one day it would be. I could dream. 

I shook my head and turned my attention to my homework, trying to focus. I forced the din around me to fade to a dull roar, and I picked my pencil up again and began working. Just when I finally had settled into a rhythm, a boisterous voice shot towards my head, through my headphones, and into my ears. I looked up in surprise to see a short, blonde, and practically bouncing guy in front of the register, babbling up a storm to Jade, who was smiling and nodding. I fully straightened up and watched: his blue eyes were sparkling as he talked with his hands and Jade laughed. She actually laughed, her mouth fully open and her own blue eyes aglow. Was this the guy she had been crushing on? 

I tilted my head, racking my brain and trying to conjure up the memory of her sketches I had seen. This guy didn’t look like them at all. The guy in her drawings was more…manly-looking? This guy in front of Jade was more boyish in both his appearance and his antics. He could’ve been my age, or younger. The one Jade always drew had wavy dark hair and had a different facial structure, one that wouldn’t give off the impression that he was hyperactive like this kid was. I continued to watch as the guy now bounded to the back door and disappeared before popping up only a few seconds later behind the counter. He was wearing an apron now, one of the employee’s ones. 

This guy works here? I thought to myself incredulously. 

I continued to watch as he went over and hugged Jade who embraced him back before he took up her position behind at the register. He was continuing to talk, his mouth moving fast and his hands waving about. I noticed a small device on his right ear, as well as a black mark behind the ear. I squinted a bit: it looked like a question mark. A tattoo? Interesting. 

I noticed that Jade was now looking at me and the guy’s attention turned toward me as she did, and I quickly looked back down at my work and pretended I was deep in thought. I could feel both pairs of their blue eyes burning into me, and I felt my skin heat up with anxiety. I don’t know how much time passed between then and my heart picking up pace before I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. 

I looked up, trying not to look startled. I was met with my sister’s face, her expression a mix of bemusement and fondness.

“How are you doing over here, Jas?” she asked, her tone betraying a hint of trying not to laugh.

 

“I’m good,” I said as I removed my headphones, resting them around my neck. “Just working on my math stuff.”

“Good,” she replied, her lips quirking up in a smile. “There’s someone I’d like you to meet, if that’s okay.”

“The blonde guy?” I asked, flicking my eyes to the counter. 

He was still behind the register and taking a new customer’s order, smiling and radiating energy. 

“Yes, that’s Grayson. I don’t remember if I told you much about him, but he’s my friend, the one who got me my job here,” she explained.

“How old is he? He looks like he could be in high school,” I said, scrunching my nose slightly. 

“He’s a bit older than you - he just turned eighteen not too long ago,” she said, glancing over at him herself. “He graduated high school early because he did college courses while he was still in high school and got credits knocked out. He was studying abroad in England for a little over a year, but he’s back now. You would like him. He can be a bit much, but he’s nothing but sunshine and sweetness. Can I introduce you?” she asked, fixing me with her sisterly stare. 

I regarded her with hesitancy, looking back over to Grayson, who I could tell was trying his best to not look over at the two of us now that he had helped the customer and was standing there alone. I sighed slightly and turned my attention back to Jade, who was waiting patiently for my answer. 

I knew she wanted me to say yes, but I also knew she wouldn’t force me to. 

“Um, can I do that after I finish this worksheet? I won’t be too much longer, I just was finding my groove with it.”

A flash of hope danced behind her eyes as she smiled for real and nodded.

“No problem, Jas. You still okay? Do you want any coffee or tea or water? I saved you an apple danish whenever you would like it,” she said, gently rubbing my shoulder. 

She could tell I had tensed up despite my body being concealed by my black baggy jacket. 

I let her massage my shoulder as I thought. To be honest, I really had never had any coffee. It sounded grown-up, but I wasn’t sure I would like it. Jade once again waited patiently for a response as I mulled over her offerings. 

“I mean, you know I’ve really never had coffee before,” I said hesitantly. “What do you think I would like?”

She thought for a moment herself, glancing over at the menu. Grayson must have caught her eye because he smiled and waved. She giggled and waved back, and I noticed he looked at me, too. I froze, unable to react. No smile or wave back. He looked a bit disheartened by my lack of acknowledgment, but it could’ve been my imagination. 

Jade turned back toward me with a smile.

“How about a honey cinnamon latte? It’s milk and espresso, and then honey is mixed in and there’s cinnamon on top. Does that sound good? It might jazz you up a little since you’ve never had coffee before, but it’s pretty yummy.”

“That actually sounds…really good,” I replied, a small smile on my own face now. “Is it just regular milk?”

“You could choose a different type if you would like. We’ve got regular, almond, oat, and I think we finally got coconut and soy back in stock,” she answered. 

Dang, fancy, I thought as I ticked off each option she said. 

“What do you recommend?” I asked, now curious about my sister’s preferences when it came to caffeinated drinks. There were so many options.

“I personally love oat milk. It’s gotten super popular, and it’s delicious. Really smooth and creamy, and it tastes a bit better than almond milk in my opinion,” she answered, still maintaining her soft smile. 

“I’ll do that then, please,” I said, grateful she was looking out for me and being so patient. 

“Sure! Would you like it hot or iced?” she asked, assuming her customer service voice and smile, pretending to punch in my order to a register. 

I laughed a little - it was a bit weird to hear her ‘work voice.’ 

“Hmm…iced, please,” I finally answered. 

“You got it! I’ll be right back. Don’t worry, I got it covered and I’ll be sure to be the one to bring it over, okay?” she said, reaching out to ruffle my hair but stopping herself inches before she touched me.

 

I smiled softly and maneuvered my head under her hand, letting her know I wasn’t embarrassed by her showing me this type of sibling affection in public. She smiled back and rumpled my already messy hair before turning back to the employee door and disappearing. I snuck one last glance up at the register, where Grayson still resided, now helping a pair of girls who had come in. I don’t know how much of our interaction he saw, but I also didn’t mind too much. Jade made it feel safe here, so I wasn’t so freaked out. 

I sighed a little, trying to let the rest of the tension in my body leak out as I exhaled, and I went back to my work. As I was about to attempt to focus once more on my math, I heard Grayson let out a half-shout of greeting, startling me. I realized I had forgotten to replace my headphones on my ears, so I snapped my attention up at the sudden noise. I wasn’t the only one disturbed: some other patrons looked a bit annoyed by Grayson’s volume level, and he now looked embarrassed as Christina tsked at him to be quieter. 

I looked around to see what had caused Grayson to get so excited, and my eyes landed on a couple who had entered through the main doors: a tall guy and a shorter girl. The guy had long, wavy dark hair, a casual grin, and was lanky and lean. The girl was slight, pretty, and had an airy feel about her, even from a distance. They were both smiling at Grayson as they made their way over to the counter. I noticed the girl was limping a bit and the boy was keeping his left hand on her back, guiding her gently. He had a blue backpack slung over his right shoulder. 

“Hey, Gray! Hi, Jade,” the girl chirped, resting her hip against the counter and keeping her right foot propped up a bit. 

“Averyyy, hi!” Grayson chittered, somehow managing to somewhat cut his amplification down a bit despite his energetic response. 

“Hi, Avery,” Jade said, smiling at the redhead with genuine warmth. 

So this is the girl who usually occupies this corner. Avery, I thought, looking her up and down as the guy gently patted her on the back. She smiled up at him as he handed her the backpack from his shoulder. He flashed her a radiant smile before he ambled off to the back door the same as Grayson had, emerging moments later behind the counter wearing an employee apron. 

“Hey, Chase, you made it!” I heard Christina’s voice pipe up over the steaming squeal of the espresso machine. 

And that’s Chase, I thought to myself, looking over him once again. His features matched the guy in Jade’s drawings, and I noticed how she now seemed a bit shy that he was near her. Now it made sense.

“Yeah, sorry I’m late,” he grinned sheepishly, crooking his arm behind his head and scratching his hair. “Avery had…an accident.”

“I did not!” she protested, blushing with embarrassment and shifting her weight, gingerly lowering her right foot to the ground. “Am I not standing and walking just fine?”

“Er, not really,” Chase replied, shooting her a sideways knowing look. 

She puffed her cheeks out slightly before letting out an exasperated sigh.

“What did you do to yourself now, Avery Joy?” I heard Christina ask in a sharp maternal tone. 

Avery straightened up at her voice and looked a bit nervous.

“I’m fine, I’m fine, I just stumbled a bit and hurt my knee,” she said, waving her hands about, trying to appear casual and unbothered.

“Uh, no, your foot got stuck on the ladder of your treehouse and you catapulted down and landed on your knee,” Chase corrected her as her eyes widened in panic with every word he said. 

“Stopppp,” she moaned pleadingly. “I’m fine, I just didn't see-”

“The exact same rungs you’ve climbed since you were, like, six?” Chase retorted, his eyebrows climbing.

“You distracted me,” Avery finished in a mutter, and Chase just let out a laugh. 

“Aw, come on, Chase, cut our clumsy girl some slack,” Christina said in a singsong voice, clucking her tongue as she poured out milk into a mug. 

“No, grill her! Grill her!” Grayson said, clapping his hands and grinning mischievously.

“You guys are so mean,” Avery whined, looking a bit put out. 

“Aw, you know we’re just teasing you, Ave,” Chase said, looking a little concerned that she was actually hurt.

Avery shot him a glare, but I could tell it was more of a joking one than real. 

“I’m sorry your knee hurts,” Jade said, peering over the counter, her blue eyes narrowed with concern. “Is it swollen?”

“No, just a bit bruised. I don’t think it’s really messed up, just banged up,” Avery said, lifting her leg so Jade could see. “I’m just limping ‘cause it hurts a bit to walk, but I’m sure I’ll be fine. If not, I’ll go actually get it checked out. And on that note, I wanna sit down!” she said, adjusting her backpack straps. “I wanted to get something done, and it gets tiring limping around.”

Jade went to speak but Avery turned before she could say anything. Now she was looking right at me, her green eyes widened in surprise. She must be wondering why I was sitting in her spot. I shrunk in a bit on myself under her gaze. 

“Oh, hi!” Avery said, smiling at me, waggling her fingers. “Sorry, I didn’t see you there!”

“Yeah, I was just going to say that’s my little brother Jasper,” Jade said behind Avery, smiling over at me. “He came in with me today and we just set him up there. I figured you wouldn’t mind.”

“No, not at all! Hi, Jasper! Nice to meet you,” Avery said cheerfully. 

There wasn’t a hint of annoyance in her voice at all. She padded her way over to me and set her backpack down on the floor, extending her hand toward me. When I remained frozen and kind of just stared at her pale hand hanging in front of me, she flushed red and lowered it. 

“Sorry, was that too formal? My bad, I know people greet each other differently!” she giggled lightly, looking embarrassed. “Is it okay if I sit with you? I promise I won’t take up too much space.” 

I tried to get my tongue to work, but it felt like it was lifeless inside of my mouth. I continued to stare at the space between us, and she looked a little unsettled. 

Shit, come on Jasper, you’re being weird, I thought to myself. 

She smiled a bit awkwardly and then spoke. 

“I’m sorry if I bothered you, I can go sit somewhere else, it’s not a proble-”

“No, no, it’s okay, I’m sorry,” I finally managed to say, forcing my tongue to connect with my brain and move. “You can sit here. I feel bad ‘cause Jade told me this is your space but I felt most comfortable sitting here. I’ve never been here before and sometimes noise gets to me and I don’t really like too many people, and I, uh…” 

I cut myself off. My tongue was doing too well with rocketing off words and I was just babbling and sounding like an ass.

I felt embarrassed and hot in the cheeks, but Avery just smiled.

“Ohhh, I get what you mean. Trust me, I do! No big deal, I’m sorry if I kind of just rushed right in.” 

She leaned in a bit closer, her green eyes shining.

“To be honest,” she whispered, glancing left and right. “I don’t really feel comfortable around too many people myself. That’s why I sit here. You get what I’m saying: this spot feels a little farther away, like it’s safer, huh?” she asked, a knowing smile on her face. “I would really only come here because of Chase and Christina, even though I love coffee. My anxiety can act up, so they made this little space for me.” 

I blinked a little, trying to focus as she smiled at me. She had bunches of freckles on her face, soft feathery brows, and her green eyes tied all of her delicate features together. She was really pretty, and her words were laced with genuine kindness. 

I managed a small smile back.

“Yeah, it…it does feel safer,” I affirmed. “It’s why I wanted to sit here, so thank you for being okay with it.”

“Of course!” she said, straightening back up. “It’s not like I own the seat, so I’m not gonna get all mean if someone ‘stole’ it. Christina just kind of safeguards it for me, which is really sweet of her,” she said, wincing a bit as she adjusted her weight.

“Oh, please, sit down,” I said, hurriedly scooting to the side and sweeping my pencil and paper over on the table.

“Thank you,” she said with relief, plopping herself down next to me on the bench. “I’m honestly so freaking embarrassed that I fell.”

“You have a treehouse though? That’s really cool, no one has those anymore,” I said. 

“Oh, so you heard? Yeah, I have one and I love it, so you think I could climb the ladder without issue!” she groaned, looking chagrined. “I’ve always been clumsy.”

“Aw, I think you’ll be okay,” I said, surprised by how easy I found it to talk to her now that we had gotten going. “If you ice and elevate it, I think you’ll be okay, especially if you don’t think you fractured or tore something.”

“Oh no, it wasn’t that bad. It was like if I had tripped while walking and slammed down on my knee, except, you know, I actually had some airtime,” she said, her cheeks flushing again. 

“Well, that’s good. I mean, it’s good that you’re not super hurt, it sucks that you’re hurt at all, but like, at least it’s good you’re not…badly hurt,” I said, stumbling over my sentence. 

She giggled and nodded. 

“I know what you mean. I’ll be okay,” she said, smiling at me. She then bent down and unzipped her backpack, pulling out a pencil case and a sparkly purple notebook. 

I watched as she placed them both on the table and then pulled out some earbuds from a smaller pocket on her backpack, untangling them and plugging them into her phone. 

“Sorry, I’ll be quiet now,” she said, smiling apologetically, holding up the earbuds. “I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”

“No, it’s fine! I…I’m almost done anyway,” I said, gesturing to my math worksheet. “I was getting bored, too, so I’m gonna switch to English, probably.”

“Ooo, I love English,” she said, her eyes glowing. “Reading and writing are the absolute best. I suck at math,” she sighed.

“It’s definitely not for everyone,” I said, frowning at my paper. “It can get super frustrating.”

“That’s for sure,” Avery groaned with a nod and then shot a look of fear at my worksheet.

“Well, it looks like you guys are getting along just fine!” a sudden voice sounded, and both Avery and I looked up in surprise.  

It was Chase, his blue-gray eyes shining as he held two drinks in his hands. I felt a bit nervous again as I always did when interacting with any new person, but he had a welcoming smile. It made me feel at ease.

“So, you must be Jasper? Jade told me a bit about you,” he said, placing an iced drink in front of me. 

It was a pale yellow-brown, with brown cinnamon sprinkled on top. The latte. I guess Jade had passed off drink-bringing duty to him. That’s my sneaky sister, always trying to get me to come out of my shell. 

“Yeah,” I affirmed, smiling at him. “Thank you.”

“No problem, man,” Chase said, smiling back as he placed a darker brown iced drink in front of Avery. It was in a plastic tumbler cup that had what looked like a phoenix on the side with some words on the other. It was cool-looking. 

“And here’s your serrano, m’lady,” Chase said to Avery, beaming at her.

“You’re too much,” she said, rolling her eyes lightly and letting out a giggle. 

I watched the two of them - the way they looked at each other was one of deep fondness, most likely love. I took a guess that they were together. They were a cute couple, if they were. I guess Jade missed out on him being single. 

“Did you need anything else, either of you?” Chase asked, looking between the two of us. “Did you want to ice your knee, Ave?”

She sighed lightly and looked down at it under the table.

“Well, since Jasper suggested that I do, why not?” she said, shooting a smile at me. I returned it.

“Good man,” Chase nodded at me. “It’s good to know that she’ll listen to you.”

“Hey!” Avery protested, glaring at Chase. “I listen to anybody! And you!”

“Hmmm…sometimes,” Chase grinned impishly before ducking away from her attempt to swat him. He disappeared into the back kitchen for a minute as Avery huffed. He then re-emerged with a bag of ice.

 

“Here you go,” he said proudly, plunking it gently onto her knee. She gasped as the cold hit her, and lightly jumped.

“Goodness gracious, Chase James, couldn’t you have let me do that?” she cried, shivering all over. 

“No,” he said with a grin before he winked at me and went back once more, this time for good.

“He can be such a pain in the butt,” Avery moaned, readjusting the ice on her knee. “But I do love him,” she sighed, shaking her head lightly.

“You guys are really cute,” I said, a smile on my face. Watching them was fun.

“Aww, thank you,” she said, smiling at me. “We’re not fully ‘out’ yet with our relationship, but I know that it’s obvious. We just started dating six days ago, so it’s still fresh,” she giggled. “But we’ve been best friends since we were little.”

“That’s super sweet,” I said, grinning a little. “I’m glad I’m one of the first to know.”

“Yeah, Christina and Jade know, too,” she giggled, looking over to my sister, who was chatting with Chase. Avery got a soft smile on her face. “Your sister is really nice to me. We had it a little rough at the beginning, but there were just some misunderstandings.”

“Really?” I asked, feeling my eyebrows raise. 

Jade had issues with Avery? I thought, feeling a bit shocked. Avery was so nice. 

I wonder why Jade…oh, I thought to myself. ‘Cause of Chase. That’s all I needed to know. 

“Yes, but it’s all good now,” Avery said, looking back at me. “You’re really sweet, too, just like her.”

I blushed, hastily looking down at my math. 

“Thanks,” I murmured, feeling really happy at her words, if not a bit flustered.

Avery giggled before plugging her earbuds in and opening her notebook. She dug a pen out and began to write. I also resumed working, replacing my headphones on my ears. I took a sip of my latte, too. It was smooth, creamy, and perfectly sweet. I really liked it. 

She and I worked in silence, side by side, for a good while. I had pulled my laptop out of my backpack and had begun working on an essay that was due next Friday - thankfully it was a personal persuasive essay, so it wasn’t too boring. I had the freedom to choose the topic, so I was researching mental health and illness and how patients were treated.

I was fleshing out my argument on why mental health patients deserve top-tier treatment, and how they currently are treated with dismissiveness based on research and surveys I had been reading when I heard a sniffle beside me. Then another. Then another. A small hiccup. 

My focus broke away from the words on my screen as I glanced over at Avery. I noticed her green eyes now looked glassy: she was crying.

I felt an instant jab of worry prod my heart. She sounded like Jade when she was fighting back tears.  

“Are…are you okay?” I asked.

No response. Avery continued to stare down at her notebook, tears slipping down her cheeks. I realized she might not have heard me due to her music, so I reached out and gently tapped her arm. 

She looked a bit startled, quickly straightening up and wiping away any tears that had escaped while pulling out her earbuds. She looked like me when I got spooked. 

“Sorry, um, I…” I said, now feeling a bit uncertain as she tried to hide her tears. “Um…are you okay?”  

 

“Oh yeah, I’m…I’m okay,” she said, both her voice and attempt at a smile a bit wobbly. “Sorry, am I bothering you?”

“No, no, I was just worried,” I said, shaking my head. I grabbed my headphones and slipped them back down around my neck. “I wasn’t listening to any music, so I could hear you.”

“Oh, I got you,” she said, a small smile on her face. She was still leaking tears. “Sorry, today is just…a bit rough for me.”

“Is it your knee? Do you want me to ask for some fresh ice?” I asked, glancing down. The ice had melted in the bag, which was resting on the floor. 

“Oh no, it’s…not my knee that hurts,” she said quietly as she looked down too. 

I paused, taking her in.   

She was hanging her head, her pen still in her left hand, her red hair cascading down and hiding her face. I knew I shouldn’t have, but I snuck a glance at her notebook. I made out the first few words on the page:

Dear Dad,

Happy Birthday. I wish you were with me. I miss you so much, especially today.

Her dad was gone?

Was her dad…?

I felt a prick of dread in my heart. 

I awkwardly reached out and lightly laid a hand on her leg, which she looked surprised by. She sat up and looked at me, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Oh, um, sorry, I,” I stuttered, taking my hand off of her. “Sorry, I’m not…a comforting person,” I finished. 

“No, it’s okay,” she said, smiling softly. “I appreciate it. I’m…” she sighed. “It’s my dad’s birthday today. Another one I don’t get to celebrate with him. It…it’s still hard for me, even though he passed away quite a while ago,” she said quietly.

“I’m sorry…I can’t imagine how hard that is,” I said, my heart pooling with an icy sadness for her.

My next words flowed out with abandon. 

“My…my mom is gone, too. She’s not…she’s still alive, but she’s not well. I’m scared about it.”

I again somehow managed to surprise myself today by opening up to a girl I had barely just met about mom. To be fair, she was the main reason I was here: my nightmares about her had soaked into my brain the night before and scared the daylights out of me. She was on my mind and heart all of the time. 

Avery looked at me sadly, her green eyes full of sympathy. 

“I’m so sorry. That’s awful. Is there a chance she’ll recover?” 

I felt awful that I just inserted my sick, still-alive mom into Avery’s opening up about her deceased dad. I felt gross.

“Um…as of right now, yes. She has…” I didn’t want to say the word. The dreaded word.

A brief pause hung in the air before I sucked in another breath. 

“She has schizophrenia. She’s currently in a care home, and Jade and I just went and saw her a few days ago. She…she remembered our names. It was really emotional for me. I miss her so much, both before she got really sick and now. She hasn’t been at home for a while, and my dad is already not home a lot because he’s in the military. So…it’s lonely sometimes. I know it’s been hard on Jade and that you guys make her feel so much better.” 

I stopped myself. 

Avery smiled a small sad smile.

“So that’s what she’s been referencing…she mentioned things were hard at home, that she wasn’t ready to open up about it. But I also knew she didn’t like me too much, but now we’re friends, and I’m happy. She’s really nice, like I said. I’m so sorry about your mom. I can’t imagine how tough that is for both her and you and Jade. I have bipolar disorder, and it’s actually called a cousin illness to schizophrenia. It’s awful. I got it from my dad and…it’s basically what killed him,” she finished quietly. 

My blood went cold at that. I didn’t know mental illnesses could be fatal. I thought they just caused symptoms that made life more difficult and could possibly result in one ending their life.

 

Avery must have noted the horror on my face because she quickly spoke.

“I mean, the bipolar disorder didn’t kill him, like other illnesses do. He…he committed suicide. It was too much for him. The symptoms…He was raised to not talk about his emotions because it’s not ‘manly,’ so he struggled to get help because bipolar is all about swinging moods because of chemical imbalances. He was a wonderful person though, both as a husband and a dad. My mom said he never smiled so much as he did when I was born and he loved me, and I remember him. His face, his smell, his presence. But I also know he was fighting a battle that became too much and that he felt alone in. My mom tried so hard to help him, but only the person who is struggling can truly help themselves. I’ve learned that. My dad was never weak by any means, but…he just…it hurt him so much.”

She began to cry again, fresh tears slipping down her cheeks. 

Without thinking, I put my arms around her and hugged her close. She felt a bit stiff, but then relaxed, allowing herself to lean into me. 

“I’m so sorry,” I murmured. 

My thoughts selfishly deviated back to my mom as Avery hugged me. 

She said bipolar disorder was close to schizophrenia, and here she was living with it, knowing her dad had died from his struggle with it. And she seemed…happy. Healthy. Surrounded by people who loved her. She wasn’t cooped up in a hospital alone. Was that possible for my mom, too?

I gently let her go as she suppressed her crying, and she sat back up, wiping away her tears. 

“You’re a real sweetheart, Jasper,” she said softly, her smile returning to her face. “Thank you, that hug was nice.” 

“You’re welcome,” I said, feeling my own little smile. “And thank you. You’ve given me hope.”

Avery tilted her head and looked at me quizzically.

“For my mom. That she can get better,” I explained, my voice a bit watery. “That she has a chance to fight and win and live her life again. That she can come home. You’re doing it, aren’t you? You seem happy.”

Avery smiled.

“It’s not always easy. I actually just went to a mental hospital a few weeks ago and met with a counselor. She said I didn’t need to stay, but that I could always go see her. I’ve struggled with my own suicidal thoughts, but Chase and Grayson and Christina and Jade…they all keep me strong. They all remind me I’m loved and have a purpose,” she said, smiling over at them. “They check on me, they keep me laughing and healthy. I couldn’t be more thankful for them. My mom helps too, of course, but…I know it kills her that I inherited the illness from my dad. I know she worries half to death about me. But I’m loved, and I’m gonna be okay. And I believe it, Jasper. That your mom can get better.”

She gently laid a hand on mine.

I felt tears prick my eyes. 

She smiled softly at me.

“Could you tell me about her? Your mom?”

My heart felt like it twisted in my chest with Avery’s question, like a vault was being unlocked and a thousand memories spilled out like paper cranes. Her request was so simple, so authentic. She wanted to know about mom for real. 

So, I told her.

I told Avery about my mom, Meiying Fisher, the beautiful flower. 

I told her about her grace, her gentleness, her gemstone nicknames for Jade and me. I told her about how my mom met my dad, how she raised us to celebrate two cultures, about our visit to her the other day, about how she might be showing signs of recovery.

Avery hung on every word as the ice in our drinks melted and the clock ticked on and customers came and went. We weren’t disturbed. It’s like we were in our own little world, a peaceful pocket of privacy where I could freely express the pain I had been carrying in my soul. 

And she listened with all the care in the world.

And for the first time in a long while, I felt at home in the world. I wasn’t floating in between two realms, separated and severed and secluded.

I was anchored. I was accepted. 

I was safe.  

♥

Image source: Ao Haru Ride by Io Sakisaka