For Dear Life ♥
I sat up in a panic, my eyes wide and my skin slick with sweat. My heart was pounding wildly as my brain screamed in agony and I felt a sudden release as tears streamed down my cheeks.
That damn nightmare again.
Mom was sitting in her wheelchair, staring at me through a mirror, her mouth stretched wide, silently screaming. No sound. No echo. Nothing could reach me. I couldn't reach her.
I crunched in on myself, bringing my knees to my forehead. All I could do was sob, my shoulders quaking as I let my sorrow and fear out of my sleep-deprived body. Then, as if I were possessed, I tore my blankets off and hastily flew out of my bed and toward my bedroom door.
I couldn’t be alone. I didn’t care if it was weird. I didn’t care that I wasn’t five years old anymore.
I slipped down the hallway, my breathing shaky as I continued to cry. I didn’t even stop as I turned the handle and pushed my way into my sister’s room.
“Jade?” I whispered.
My voice sounded hollow, murky with tears.
“Jade?”
No response. I could see her small form beneath her blankets, tucked away and sound asleep.
“Jade? Jade?” I pleaded, reaching out and pushing on her.
“Hmm?” she suddenly turned, sitting up. I squinted in the darkness past the blur of my tears. She looked scared, her blue eyes huge and her black hair a tangled mess. “Jas, what’s wrong?”
I couldn’t even choke out any other word but her name as I began to cry once more. I collapsed onto her, my head finding her shoulder as my body shook with sobs, and I wrapped my arms around her. I felt her freeze up in surprise for a few seconds. Then, softly yet surely, she hugged me back. She didn’t say anything more as she stroked my hair back away from my face like she used to when I was little and would sneak in to sleep with her, just to be near my big sister. She knew that touching my hair would make me fall asleep nearly instantly, and she would take extra care in being gentle when she knew I was having nightmares.
She must have known exactly why I came in now because her touch was feather-like: her fingers combed softly through my bangs, lightly brushing over the tips of my ears and back to my forehead in a repeated loop. She laid her cheek on my head and continued to brush my hair, not asking anything of me, just whispering that I was okay, that she loved me. I cried harder, my body tensing as I laid there, fighting the nightmare’s grip on my heart. She moved to running her hand over my back, trying to get me to relax. As the tears flowed and her whisperings filled the room, I began to drift. I felt the tension leak out of my muscles, my eyelids grow heavy, and my breathing became softer. She moved back to my hair, burying her fingers in it once more and pulling them through in long, gentle strokes.
“It’s okay, Jas. I promise you, she’s doing just fine. She’ll be home again. You aren’t forgotten. You’re safe. I love you,” she murmured into my ear, lightly squeezing me. She shifted slightly and slowly lowered me onto the bed, resting my head on her pillow now. I felt her lay down next to me and she continued to caress my hair, her words encircling my troubled heart and putting it to rest.
I slipped back into sleep, my mind blank.
.....
The morning sun’s light poked against my closed eyelids, the dull yellow causing me to open them, blinking slowly.
I was in Jade’s bed alone, her side now vacant. I sat up and looked around, dazed and confused.
Suddenly, the door opened and she slipped in, a soft smile on her face.
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” she whispered, crossing over to hug me. “You hungry?”
“G’morning,” I mumbled, leaning into her. “My head hurts.”
“You’re probably dehydrated, and you need to eat,” she stated, gently rubbing the back of my head. “Go take a shower and then come downstairs when you’re ready. You gotta get ready for school, and I need to get to work soon. I made you pancakes.”
I felt my eyes widen as I looked up at her.
“For real?”
“Of course for real. Nightmare fighting food,” she smiled, bopping me on the nose with her finger. She hugged me again, this time a bit more tightly and a bit longer.
I hugged her back, clutching onto her for dear life, and I tried to believe her words from the night before.
I was okay.
Things would be okay.
It would get better.
Mom would get better.
Time would tell.
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