Reminder ♥ (Part 3 to Brown-Eyed Girl)
TW: Mention of sexual assault/trauma
The auto shop was small, quaint, and gray - it had two doors on its exterior along with a band of painted letters across the top of the doors that spelled out MORGAN’S MOUNTAIN MECHANICS with a small mountain range logo. It matched the patch of summits that were visible in the distance as the shop was positioned on Clover Street, which ran parallel to the looming mountains that gave Ridge Rock its name.
I parked my car in the spot centered in front of the shop and turned off the ignition. I took a deep breath and tried to stop my legs from bouncing now that they weren’t occupied by the brake and gas pedals, and I toyed with the hair-tie on my wrist.
I had made this far. No chickening out now.
I exited my car and walked up the small ramp that led up to the main doors. I pulled open the right one, which upset a bell that was attached to the top, setting off a messy chorus of jingling that spooked me.
I jumped a bit as I crossed the threshold and took in the interior: there were a few chairs off to the left lined up against the wall. A small TV was mounted on the wall across from the chairs and was tuned to the news channel, the volume low enough to not be annoying. A few posters were stuck to the walls, advertising varying types of oil and tires, as well as an outline of different types of services that the shop offered. The counter was painted a smooth blue-gray and behind it was the register, some toy cars scattered about, and a calendar hung on the wall. I noticed that it had a picture of horses rather than cars.
Interesting.
“Hello, miss, how can I help you?” a gruff voice came.
I looked up in surprise, startled out of my observations and thoughts.
A man of medium height and build came through the doorway behind the counter that I could see led to a garage. He was wearing dark blue coveralls that had faint black stains and was wiping a wrench with a cloth.
“Um, hello, sir,” I said, addressing him as politely as I could, awkwardly making my way up to the counter. I hadn’t moved from my spot just inside the doors from when I had entered. “I wanted to know if you might have time to give my car a check-up.”
“Well, you came at just the right time,” he responded, a pleasant smile on his face. “We aren’t too busy yet. What kind of check-up you looking for? Just for overall maintenance?”
“Yes, that would be great,” I responded with a smile. “It’s the little silver Camry out front.”
“I would assume so, considering it’s the only one out there,” he laughed, a jovial smile on his face. “If you’ll just come sign some paperwork, we can get started,” he said, pocketing the wrench and rummaging below the counter.
I approached and he pulled a small stack of papers from underneath the counter. Now that I was closer, I could see his nametag patch on his coveralls: Ryder.
That’s a unique name, I thought to myself as he grabbed a pen from the little truck pen holder next to the register.
“If you’ll please write your name and car information here, and then check the type of service you’re in for today and what you would like us to help you with,” he said, still smiling.
He had a weathered, slightly wrinkled face with bits of gray beard poking out of his chin and above his upper lip. Paired with his deep brown eyes and hair, he seemed like a friendly lumberjack or a sailor without the mysterious blue eyes or gray head of hair. He seemed nice.
“Yes, sir, I’ll get started on that,” I replied, still smiling.
I took the pen and quickly filled out the forms as he busied himself with the computer. I checked off the overall maintenance service and also requested that they change my oil if needed, and rotate my tires. It was probably all due, especially considering my drive from Crestline, and the fact I usually took my sweet time with these types of things anyway. I signed at the bottom with a bit of a flourish and then looked back up.
“Here you go, sir,” I said, handing him back the papers and pen, which he stuck back into the little red truck.
“Thank you, miss,” he responded, seeming pleased by how I addressed him. He quickly scanned over my paperwork and typed away at the computer simultaneously.
“Penelope Hopper? What a pretty name,” he said, glancing over at me with a smile.
“Thank you,” I responded, feeling a little wave of happiness at his compliment. “You have an interesting name as well, sir,” I said, looking back at his name.
“Yes, it’s an uncommon one,” he laughed, shaking his head a bit. “But I can’t complain. Goes with the business I guess,” he said, gesturing around. “Though I didn’t like Ryder’s Mountain Mechanics as much. Going with the family name seemed like a good idea,” he said.
I felt my eyebrows rise a bit in surprise. He was the owner? He must know Jackson then. I hadn’t seen any sign of him yet, though I guess he was in the garage.
“Oh, this is your shop, sir?” I asked, trying to keep my voice from sounding too excited.
“Yes, it is! Been here for close to twenty years, proudly serving the community of Ridge Rock,” he said, a definite touch of pride in his tone.
“Good for you! Always love to support small businesses,” I said, with a smile.
“And I greatly appreciate it,” he said, nodding at me.
“I actually had a question for you,” I said, my bravery wobbling a bit. “I do need my car to be looked at, but I also came by to see someone,” I said. “His name is Jackson.”
My heart skipped a bit as Ryder’s brow slightly furrowed, and his mouth settled into a semi-straight line.
“Jackson, eh?” he said, a twinge of annoyance now creeping into his voice.
The air felt a bit cold.
“Um, yes. sir,” I responded, trying to keep my smile on my face. “I met him the other day and he was incredibly nice. It was mentioned that he worked at a mechanic shop and I found out it was here, so I thought I would bring my business here since he was so kind.”
Ryder’s face slightly relaxed, and his smile returned, though it seemed less genuine.
“Ah, well, that’s good to hear,” he said, turning and putting my paperwork away in a drawer. He turned back to the computer, punched a few more keys, and I heard the whir of a printer. He pulled the paper out and handed it to me, his smile still tight.
“Here’s your copy, miss. May I have your keys?” he asked, holding out his hand.
I unhooked my car keys from my purse and handed them to him, and he gave me another small nod.
“Feel free to make yourself comfortable. I want to say this will take about an hour,” he said, gesturing to the chairs along the wall.
“Thank you,” I said, thankful that I had remembered to stick a book in my purse before I left my house this morning.
I walked over and chose one of the chairs, also thankful that no one else was here but me. An hour wait wasn’t too bad, though I was disappointed that Jackson either wasn’t here or I wouldn’t get to see him.
Ryder disappeared through the doorway behind the counter, returning to the garage. I sighed quietly and turned my attention to the TV - the news channel was now on the weather segment. Looks like it was going to rain in a few days. April showers and all that.
I settled my purse onto my lap and then quickly pulled my book out of it, positioning it so that the title and cover were hidden behind my bag.
It was a book on how to recover from trauma. How to handle it.
How to feel somewhat whole again.
I knew it was risky for me to be reading it in public, especially since it was a commonplace question for others to ask one another what they are reading. Books carried a kind of curiosity with them that could spark conversations and even feelings of friendly bonds over shared favorite authors or titles.
I wouldn’t garner that kind of emotion with what I was reading.
I settled into my chair and opened it to where my tattered bookmark was nestled. I tried my best to focus on the words in front of me, though the faint clattering that I heard from the garage was distracting, as was the mumbling from the TV.
Even the ticking of the large clock on the wall was disruptive.
Just as I was about to turn the page and read more on how to deal with flashbacks and intrusive thoughts, I heard footsteps approaching.
I looked up and quickly closed my book, stuffing it into my purse, my heart picking up pace. It hadn’t been more than thirty minutes since Ryder had taken my car from the front of the shop and around back, so I knew he wasn’t coming in to tell me that it was ready. Maybe something was wrong?
Just as I was about to pull out my phone and try to look busy, Jackson appeared from the back.
I froze, my hand dipped back into my bag to retrieve my phone, and I felt my cheeks suddenly grow a bit hot.
He was behind the counter, his eyes on me. He smiled and nodded at me before stooping down and disappearing from my view. Then suddenly, he popped back up and really looked at me. I stared right back.
He was wearing the same blue coveralls as Ryder, though his looked a bit tight around his shoulders and arms. He had a faint smudge of black on his cheek and across his nose, and his brown eyes were glowing with recognition.
“Penelope?” he said, a grin breaking out across his face. “Hey! Good to see you!”
I felt a bit tongue-tied as I smiled back and tried to formulate a response. I was caught off-guard by his sudden appearance, his little show of realizing it was me, how happy he was to see me, how good he looked in his work outfit.
He really was handsome.
“Hi! It’s good to see you, too,” I smiled, trying to sound bright and carefree. Relaxed.
“You’re not working today at Stone Circle?” he asked, leaning on the counter, his eyes still fixed on me.
“Nope, I had today off, so I thought I would be a responsible adult and get my car looked at,” I said, transfixed by his smile. “I looked around the area for auto shops and found this one. I didn’t know you worked here!”
I internally kicked myself for lying. I could have just said that Christina had told me, or even Chase.
But I was too nervous to admit the truth.
“Yup, I do! I probably should have mentioned that, my bad,” he laughed, toying with something on his wrist. I realized it was a bracelet when I focused.
“No, it’s not your fault,” I said, smiling, now rising to my feet and putting my purse on my shoulder. “I don’t expect everyone to share every detail of their lives when we first meet,” I laughed, making my way up to the counter.
“Ah, well, I know Christina told you she works at Rejavanate,” he said, standing up straight as I approached. He leaned against the back wall and smiled at me.
“Yeah! I went there this morning. The coffee was super good,” I said, a bit disappointed he had moved away. Probably just giving me space.
“I don’t really drink coffee, but I’ll have to try it sometime I guess,” he grinned, shrugging a bit. “Can’t diss it ‘til I try it.”
“I drink coffee, but don’t often drink it outside of my house,” I replied. “Never really had anyone to go out with, and I’m not one to study in coffee shops. Too distracting for me,” I said, trying to keep the conversation going.
“Same here,” he smiled, folding his arms across his chest. “I’ve been over to Rejavanate more for other occasions. Like this past Friday, I was there to celebrate my roommate’s birthday with everyone. It was really fun.”
“Oh, you have another roommate besides Chase?” I asked, tilting my head, trying to look casual.
“Yeah! I live with Chase and another guy named Elliot. They’re awesome,” he grinned, his eyes shining. “And since Chase works at Rejavanate, I know Christina and the others by association. They’re all fantastic people. I’m super thankful for them all.”
“Aww, that’s sweet,” I said, meaning it. It made me feel happy that I had felt included in their little group yesterday when I had briefly visited. I realized I also failed to mention this to Jackson.
“Yeah, it is,” he affirmed, still smiling. He moved off of the wall and rummaged around in a drawer, pulling out some papers. My papers.
He scanned over them quickly, nodding here and there.
“Okay, so you just need an overall maintenance check? I got you,” he said, looking back up at me with a smile. “I was just about to get started on that. I was doing some tune-ups on my own car back there since I had some downtime, and I-”
“Jackson!” a voice suddenly bellowed. “What’s taking you so long?”
He froze, his shoulders suddenly tensing and pulling the blue cloth around them even tighter.
I realized it was Ryder who was yelling.
“Yeah, I’m coming!” Jackson called back, frantically stuffing my paperwork back into the drawer. He smiled apologetically at me, a hint of sadness in his eyes. “Sorry, I better get back there and get started. I’ll have it out to you in about thirty minutes, okay?”
“No problem, don’t stress,” I said, feeling a pang in my heart.
Why did he look so worried?
He flashed me one last grin before he turned and disappeared into the back. I heard muffled voices, one more angry than the other. I felt a sudden urge to sneak behind the counter and try to listen in, but I didn’t want to get caught. Plus, there was a security camera pointed directly at the counter area, and I didn’t need to look like a stalker.
I returned to my seat, feeling a bit unsettled by what had just occurred. If Ryder was the owner, then Jackson was one of his employees. I didn’t like bosses who spoke to their employees impatiently or rudely. It was something that made me quit my previous job at the bar I had worked at in Crestline. My manager was a total jerk who also doubled as a total creep towards the waitresses, always side-eyeing them and making suggestive comments. It was gross. My manager at Stone Circle was a total 180 from my previous one - I guess it helped that she was a younger woman who treated me with respect rather than a weird forty-something man who had nothing better to do than antagonize his employees and attempt to steal their tips.
I pondered this all to myself as I settled back into my chair and pulled my book out again, opening it back up to the chapter on intrusive thoughts. Remembering the traumatic experience. How to heal from it, cope with it, try to mitigate the harmful effects.
How to try to not feel so violated. Dirty. Wronged.
Haunted.
I shivered lightly as I counted to ten again in my mind, pushing away the image of his body on top of mine, his hands exploring, the sound of my pleading voice turning more fearful with each touch.
I gripped the book harder and felt myself begin to disassociate.
No, no, no, no, no. Not now. Not here.
I felt hot tears prick the backs of my eyes as I shuddered. I refused to break down.
I shut the book, put it back in my purse, stood, and exited the shop. I sat on the steps outside of the doors that conjoined with the ramp, and tried to calm my breathing. Slow my heart.
I took in my surroundings: the air was cool and the sun was shining, the faint sound of cars whooshing in the distance paired with birds chirping. I put my right hand on my chest, feeling for my heart. I counted the beats and watched the clouds before closing my eyes.
Breath.
Inhale.
Exhale.
He can’t find you here.
I had deleted all of my social media accounts except for my Instagram and Facebook, which I had made private and then purged of anyone related to him or my old life. That’s what I called it: my old life. My life prior to what he did to me.
My purer self, I guess.
I hated thinking of myself like that: Corrupted. Tainted. Defiled.
I really wasn’t sure how to cope with it. I thought maybe I could do it on my own. My mom and dad didn’t know. Neither did my older sister, Rebecca.
I was too ashamed and scared to say anything, especially since they had all liked him. They thought he was wonderful, kind, someone trustworthy, mainly because he was both good-looking and rich. My parents assumed we had been sleeping together and had simply given me the safety talk, but we hadn’t. Not once. I never let it go that far, even with how close we got time and time again.
Until that one night.
I had made it clear I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want it.
I guess it didn’t matter.
My hand flew from my chest and I snatched up a fistful of my hair, yanking it hard. The pain distracted me from the thoughts. I panted a bit, now snapping the hair-tie on my wrist against my skin. Over and over.
Stop. Stop. Stop.
Do not cry.
I let out a shaky breath as I stood, fluffing my hair back out and trying to feel myself out. I stamped my feet on the stairs. I squeezed my eyes shut and shot them back open, letting the sunlight shock my vision.
Okay. I’m okay.
I turned back toward the doors and reached out to pull the right one open. I was so distracted that I didn’t even see him through the glass until he had pushed the door open and I froze, my hand still halfway to the handle.
Jackson smiled down at me, his expression a bit puzzled.
“There you are! I wondered where you went,” he said, laughing lightly. “It’s all done! Fresh oil, your tires are rotated, and…”
He trailed off as he looked at me, his expression now growing concerned.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asked gently, his tone laced with worry. “You’re crying.”
I realized then that my cheeks felt wet.
A string of expletives danced through my mind as I finally worked my mouth and dropped my hand.
“Oh, um, yeah, I’m okay!” I chirped, letting out a giggle. “I just wanted to step outside for some fresh air and the sun really got in my eyes,” I said, wiping at the tears, forcing my tone to sound unbothered. “I forgot my sunglasses in my car.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Jackson said, looking uncertain. “Well, I can get you all checked out, get you your car, and send you on your way!” he said, trying to sound cheery.
I could tell he didn’t fully believe my explanation for my tears.
I followed him through the door, which he held open for me until I was inside, and we both made our way back to the counter. He stepped behind it and tapped up something on the computer.
“Alright, Penelope,” he said, smiling over at me. “Your total today is $40 flat. I threw in a little first-time customer discount for you,” he said.
“Aww, thank you, that’s nice of you,” I replied, smiling back at him before busying myself with digging around for my wallet. I desperately wanted to distract him from the fact I had been crying. I pulled my wallet out and handed him my debit card, which he set to swiping and readying my receipt. My eyes fell back on the calendar on the wall as he bent down to retrieve my printed receipt.
There, something to talk about.
“You like horses?” I asked, gesturing to the calendar.
“Oh, it’s from a family friend of ours,” he laughed, glancing over at it. “Also, I guess it’s kind of a joke: cars and horsepower and whatnot,” he smiled, shaking his head slightly.
A brief pause as I signed the merchant copy of the receipt he slid towards me.
“Do you like horses?” he asked, taking my receipt and pen back and smiling at me.
“I do,” I said, smiling a bit. “I rode for years. It was truly a happy place for me. I really miss it.”
“Oh, so you don’t own one? Whose horses did you ride?” he asked, stapling my receipt to the rest of my paperwork, which he filed back away in the drawer.
Whose horses.
His.
I felt the creeping hand of sadness rising up through my chest to grab me by the heart, but I just smiled.
“Oh, just someone I used to know,” I said airily. “I wish I owned a horse, though. I always have.”
“They are pretty cool,” he said, nodding. “I’ve never ridden, but I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try one day. I sometimes help her out over at her ranch - it’s actually not far from here,” he said, gesturing toward the wall behind him. “It’s more towards the base of the mountains. Gorgeous property,” he grinned. “She's a lovely lady and she has amazing horses!”
“Wow, you’re so lucky,” I breathed. “I loved riding, but even just being near horses was enough for me. I used to muck stalls for free just to ride. I want to be a veterinarian for farm animals, too, so I have even more of an interest,” I said, smiling.
“A veterinarian? How cool! Lots of hard work,” he said, his eyebrows rising. “Is that what you’re going to study for at Cragright in the fall?”
“Yes! I’m really excited,” I said, my voice rising and my heart feeling lighter. “I can’t wait. I’m looking forward to spending more time at Rejavanate, too. Everyone was so nice there. I actually did go briefly visit last night just before they closed since I was working, and I got to meet Chase and Grayson and Jade,” I said, speaking a bit faster now. “Also I met Avery and Jasper. They were all so sweet.”
“That’s great!” Jackson exclaimed, smiling. He seemed amused by my sudden showing of animation. “Chase is honestly such a good guy. I don’t know Grayson and Jade too well, but Christina is awesome, and Avery is a sweetheart. Who’s Jasper?” he asked, looking confused.
“Oh, I guess he’s Jade’s little brother,” I said, racking my brain.
“Huh, never met him. Dang, everyone was together yesterday then,” he said, laughing a bit. “Well, except Elliot. He doesn’t get out much.”
I laughed lightly. It was real, now that I was actually feeling relaxed and happier.
He truly was distracting me.
I guess my third wish was being granted. That is, if I kept being able to see him.
“Well, I better get back to work,” he said, a sad smile on his face. “I don’t want to keep my dad waiting.”
I did a slight double-take.
“Your dad?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said lowly, glancing back towards the garage. “Ryder? That’s my dad. Ryder Morgan.”
Oh.
Oh.
I processed the previous interaction I had with him, plus how I had heard him talk to Jackson, how Jackson had tensed up so badly, how their conversation had sounded heated, how Jackson now seemed down as he mentioned his dad.
I wondered what the story was there.
“Aw, well, I won’t keep you then,” I said, smiling sweetly.
“It was nice seeing you again,” he said, smiling back at me. “I’ll have to come back in some time for another burger and beer. When do you work next?”
“Oh, I work tomorrow through Friday, all in the evening,” I said, thinking of my schedule. “I think I will get this weekend fully off. I got today off randomly because I switched shifts with my co-worker, which is why I worked on Sunday. So, since I worked then, I’ll get this weekend off, though I typically do Saturday nights. It’s pretty flexible at my work.”
“That’s nice! Yeah, I’m usually here every weekday, sometimes on the weekends if we’re busy. I usually go to the gym on Saturday morning. Well, I try to go every morning, but it sometimes ends up being in the evening since I struggle a bit with getting up during the week,” he laughed, looking a bit embarrassed.
“I feel you,” I said, smiling a bit. “But yes, please come by again! Maybe bring Christina, and I make you two some strong drinks again,” I said, waggling my eyebrows.
Jackson laughed and went to respond, but suddenly, Ryder appeared behind him with a stormy expression on his face.
I felt my face drop a bit at his demeanor, and Jackson noticed the change in the atmosphere, turning and noticing his dad.
“Oh, hey, dad,” he said, his tone tinged with nervousness. “I was just finishing up with Penelope and was about to go get her car.”
“Hmm, took you long enough,” Ryder mumbled, trying to smile politely at me, though it looked more like a grimace. “I already pulled it up out front,” he said, placing my keys on the counter.
I gave him a smile before taking my keys and then glancing up at Jackson, who looked wildly uncomfortable.
“Yes, thank you both so much for looking at my car,” I said, trying to clear the tension. “I’m thankful for your help! I’ll definitely be back.”
“Well, thank you again for choosing us,” Ryder said, glancing upward at his son. “We’ll look forward to seeing you again.”
“Bye, Penelope,” Jackson said, a tight smile on his face. He looked like he wished he could sink into the floor. “I’ll see you again sometime.”
“Bye, Jackson,” I replied, my heart twisting in pain for him. He genuinely looked…scared. It made me feel so sad that he was that uncomfortable by his dad’s presence.
Jackson gave me one last smile before he turned and went once more into the back. Ryder watched after him before turning back to me, giving me a placid customer service smile.
“Have a good day, miss,” he said, almost as if he were dismissing me from his presence.
“Thank you, sir,” I said, feeling strongly unsettled once again.
I turned and quickly left, and then I was outside, feeling breathless and dazed.
That was strange.
It looks like I gave Jackson a distraction, too, from whatever was brewing between him and his dad.
He definitely had deviated me from being swallowed by the hell in my head.
I pulled open my car door and sat down in the driver’s seat, starting it up. I noticed the oil change sticker on the top left corner of my windshield, the little souvenir of my visit.
A little reminder that I would see every time I got in my car to drive off somewhere, to find solace away from my bedroom, my family, my head.
I would see him again. I could feel it.
I just didn’t know when.
And it came sooner than I would realize.
♥
Image source: Carnivorous Princess Yegrinna by Ha Il Kwon
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